All Else Confusion

When I was growing up, it was understood that a roommate of the opposite sex would not be tolerated. It just wasn't done. In fact, in high school and college it was stressed by my parents, teachers and administrators that it was a serious responsibility to be vigilant about not creating situations where temptation could begin to exercise a serious pull on your resolve. My mother always said that it wasn't a good idea to give space to the devil. That's how I grew up. And, it was a given that anyone who was Catholic (at least in serious Catholic circles) also acted in the same way.

I've been running into a strange phenonenom lately. I've met many single young adults who are active in their church, attending bible study, Theology of the Body study groups, seeking to make Catholic friends and develop a spiritual life - and have roomates of the opposite sex.

So, I've taken a step back. Do I believe that it's wrong for single men and women to live together because that's how I grew up or because there is truth to that statement? Is there something new in today's society that makes this co-habitation now acceptable? Or should it at least be looked at in a different light? After all, women wear pants today and that would have been unthinkable years ago.

I've done some thinking, talking to friends and reading on this issue for a while now, and I found a good synthesis of my conclusions in a book by Fr. Tom Morrow entitled Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World. It's not perfect, but, by and large, I think that it offers a clear reasonable explanation of the need to protect chastity by not living in co-ed situations.

Part of the problem is that most people today seem to think that not living together is about not having sex. And, it is. But, it's not only about avoiding sex. There's much more to it, including how you view the other sex, creating an intimacy with the other sex that isn't appropriate (Fr. Morrow calls it "compromising mystique"), and giving scandal to those who know that you are are Catholic and may assume that the Church's teaching has changed.

As Fr. Morrow puts it:

You can't very well put a sign on the door saying 'for those who might care, we want you tho know that we are not having sex in here'
There is simply no way, short of an emergency, that a woman should compromise her own mystique and give scandal by letting a man stay overnight in her apartment.